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The Day I Gave Up My Medical Career to Become a Stay-at-home Mom Okay so it wasn?t as dramatic as ONE DAY, but I did, in essence, put away my medical career for good (unless the government changes the requirements to practice medicine, i.e., stops requiring doctors to attend residency, be licensed, be board-eligible, etc.)
I was a fourth-year medical student whose husband, S, was a second-year resident in pediatrics. We had thought on and off about getting pregnant but the PLAN was to wait until I was a second-year pediatric resident when I would have the least amount of hours to work. Well, in January 2006, I?m two weeks late. Like any normal medical student, I think: I would tell my patient to take a pregnancy test just in case. So off we go to CVS and S jokes: Wouldn?t it be funny if you really were pregnant? At this point, I should have known a pink cross was in my future, but it took two pregnancy tests (one that night and another in the morning JUST IN CASE) for me to realize I?m pregnant. YAY! But wait ... what is that due date again? Hmm... I?ll be two months into my intern year in a pediatric residency (which is the worst year of a resident?s life -- working 80 hours-a-week with 30-hour shifts (no, you did not misread that) thrown in the mix every four days most months of the year). And my husband will be a third-year resident in the same program ALSO working 80 hours-a-week although less months of the year. When we put our name on the daycare waiting list at the hospital the following week, we found out it is open from 6:00 a.m. to midnight. I started imagining my baby there at midnight. And I was not happy. I spoke to many moms who are able to be great pediatric residents and great moms. But I had a sinking feeling as this little boy grew inside me that I was not one of them.
Soon I rallied and I thought: I can do this!! Just not THIS year. I?ll just take a year off after graduating medical school. Lots of people do it. I only have to resubmit my application in November when my son is 3-months-old. But, I reasoned, he?ll be almost a year when I begin my residency, and my husband will be working an 8-5 job with most weekends OFF. So only I will have be gone a lot. Just me. Gone. A lot.
I waddled down the aisle and accepted my medical degree in May with my shiny new plan in place. I pushed my son out in August. Mom, M.D., doing her thing. But as November loomed closer and I hadn?t slept in months and my husband was working 30-hour shifts, I just couldn?t do it. I ignored the upcoming deadline for as long as I could, but finally called my husband at work. I?m not going to apply for residency. He said: I know. I told my friend K. She said: I know. I seemed to be the only one not in the loop.
I realized over those first few months that I was not capable of being the mom I want to be and work that much. Some people can. They are AMAZING women. But some people can?t. They are ME.
Honestly, I was (am?) shocked that I?m built to be a stay-at-home mom. If you had asked me the month before I got pregnant, I would have said: no way. I will never stay at home. I am a working mom. Period. I have NO desire to be a stay-at-home mom. I thought that the best mom that I could be included me working. I was wrong.
Staying at home is hard, but it?s hardest on my ego. I often avoid telling people about my medical degree because I know that without a residency, I can?t practice. When I tell them, I feel like I have to tell my whole journey. (Although I?m pretty sure that they are just making small talk -- no one envies the guy who asks me THAT question at the dinner party.)
When I am feeling uncomfortable with my decision, I think: I?ll eventually do something with the medical degree. But maybe I already have. Maybe it?s in having a little extra knowledge while I take care of my children. Or help out friends with their medical questions. I love hearing stories of others who found callings outside of the hospitals because I want to have a career once my children are in school full-time. But I can?t ever see myself spending 80 hours-a-week away from them. Maybe I?ll focus on my writing full-time. (Don?t hold me to it. I know better than to make any predictions these days.)
Did I waste my time? I don?t know. Would it have been nice to know all this before I got pregnant? Heck yeah! I would have picked a career that I could go back to in five years. Nursing. Teaching. Law. But I also trust that I made the decision to attend medical school with the facts I had at hand so I must have been meant to get the degree.
I know that staying at home with my (now two) children is the right thing for me today. And I still stick the M.D. at the end of my name when I feel like it. Because I earned it. And whether my pride sometimes tells me I could be ?more,? my heart tells me to stay put. Because there is no more or less. I am no more or less than the moms who are doctors. They are no more or less than moms who stay at home.
PS. My story is my story. I have no judgment on moms who work or moms who stay home. I hope that my post reflects this -- I know that I?m delving into a controversial topic right off the bat. I heard a study once (on NPR?) that moms who work part-time are the happiest. But I?m pretty sure it?s the moms who can choose to do what they feel in their hearts is right for them. I didn?t have as much choice in my decision as I would have liked (part-time-medical-residency isn't much of an option, trust me), but even if I had, I would have eventually realized that staying at home is for me. It may have just taken longer and maybe another degree.
This post is written by Alex Iwashyna, a happily married (seriously!) mom with a BA in Philosophy and a Medical Degree and the drive to become neither. She is hopefully this writing thing will pan out. Follow her rants on twitter.com/failebg but be prepared for baby poop and liberal bias.
Imagine that while you are reading this paragraph, the words became fuzzy and faded into gray. Or imagine that suddenly the paragraph became double or the words were distorted. Would you want to read or do schoolwork? Probably not. Would you feel distracted and frustrated? Certainly. You would be experiencing one of many common vision conditions that exist in children. However, many children do not complain of vision problems because they don?t realize they have a problem. Screening tests may detect some problems, but there are also many more serious hidden visual problems that occur in children.
Some common visual conditions in children include:
Nearsightedness(myopia):Objects at near are in focus, but objects at a distance are blurry.
Farsightedness (hyperopia): Objects far away are in focus, but objects up close are blurry.
Astigmatism: Objects such as letters are blurry, distorted, or may seem double. This may be noticeable both at distance and near.
These conditions are often treatable with glasses. Many parents wonder, ?How young should a patient be treated for these conditions?? It depends on the magnitude of the condition and the age of the child. The greater the magnitude, the more likely that treatment is necessary to allow proper visual development. However, a certain amount of these conditions are normal for young children. For example, some studies have found that 30-50% of infants have significant astigmatism, which declines and becomes stable by 5 years of age.
Visual demands become greater as a child learns to read and write. Approximately 80% of learning is dependent on the efficiency of the visual system. It is estimated that 20-25% of school-aged children need glasses. A child should receive a full eye exam by an eye care professional such as an optometrist before entering school. The American Public Health Association (APHA) recommends that children have eye examinations at the ages of 6 months, 2 years, and 4 years. After age 5, children should have their eyes checked either every year or every other year, depending on the condition of their eyes. Other more serious visual conditions include:
Lazy eye (amblyopia): Objects are out of focus usually only in one eye due to poor development of the visual system. 20/20 vision is not obtainable with eyeglasses or contact lenses.
Strabismus: One or both of the eyes turn in or out due to poor alignment of the eyes.
Convergence insufficiency: The eyes have difficulty turning inwards while focusing on near objects. This may result in double vision while reading.
These visual conditions may require more specialized treatment such as bifocal glasses, eye patching, special eyedrops, or vision therapy. New treatments are now available and vary depending on the condition.
Does your child have a vision problem? Look for the following symptoms:
Squinting
Holding a book very close to the eyes (7-8? away)
Frequent eye rubbing
Closing one eye
Headaches
Blurry or double vision
Tilting the head
Short attention span
Avoiding near work
If your child experiences one of these symptoms, he or she may be suffering from a vision disorder. A thorough examination from an eye care professional is necessary to determine what treatments should be prescribed. In fact, many doctors feel so strongly about the importance of early eye exams that they provide free eye exams for infants ages 6-12 months. Please visit www.InfantSee.org for more information.
The gift of sight is a precious asset that enables a child to perform to their highest potential. Vision should be protected and preserved as much as possible in children as they undergo their critical period of development!
Posted by Dr. Amanda Paull, OD (and mother of 2-year old Angela) of Richmond, VA. Visit her website at www.RichmondOptometry.com
Toe Fetish Every child has a comfort habit. It might be normal, like thumb sucking. Or you could be one of those "lucky" parents whose kids have a completely unique and sometimes awkward, habit. Like me. Leave it to my kids to find a habit that can actually gross me out. And I'm hard to gross out.
I've noticed the past few weeks that while Ashe happily sits down to watch his favorite tv show that once in awhile he's munching on his toes. No, I did not make a typo there. You read it right. He munches on his TOES.Don't ask me why, I've been scratching my head in bewilderment and anytime I ask him why he just shrugs and goes back to nomming on his big toe.
The first time I witnessed this I froze mid step and watched in awe as I noticed his tiny toddler body contorted in a way that would make any Yoga Master insanely jealous. My eyes wandered from head to toe (ok they were touching so I guess that goes without saying) taking it all in. I think it took me about 20 seconds for my mind to actually comprehend that his toes were in his mouth and he was happily sucking on them. Then I gagged (have you ever seen little boys bare feet after running around the house? I mean I have a clean.... ok as clean as you can get with 3 kids.... house but STILL!!!!!) and went over to him. "Ashe take your feet out of your mouth." "SMFSUREHFS?" "I cant understand you. Take your feet out of your mouth." "HDSAIUWSJTHRRRG." "Count of 3 Ashe. 1....2...." "I SAID WHY MOMMY? WHY FEET OUT OF MOUTH?" "Because it's gross dude!!! Do you have any idea where you're feet have been?" "YAH. IN MY MOUTH!"
You can't argue with logic like that.
Socks don't work. Even before this issue started Ashe was adamant about taking off his socks the moment he got inside. Slippers worked for only a day until the novelty wore off. Shoes aren't worn in the house because Soren likes to sprawl on the floor and Ashe is notorious for not paying attention to where he is walking already. So I just have to catch him in the act as many times as possible and try to get him to quit it. So far it's not working so well.
And it's not just HIS toes either. It's toes in general. Anytime Sorens little toes are out in the open Ashe will come by grab his little feet, and kiss them to death. He's gone for my feet once or twice but a good Mommy glare and a quietly growled "Don't you even think about it Mister" has kept him at bay so far. If only it were that easy to get him to stop chomping on his own little digits.
I'm really at a loss as to how to handle this. Xavier was a thumb sucker for just a little while and I ignored it until he stopped on his own by age 4. Soren is no where near old enough to start developing his own odd habits. So this is new territory for me. If he doesnt stop on his own am I going to get phone calls when he starts school from the teachers asking me to pick up my son because he got stressed out during a pop quiz and ripped off his sneakers to chew on his pinkie toe? I keep imagining that he wont stop and will have a toe fetish as an adult. I guess I might have to try to influence him towards foot models as a potential spouse. I can already imagine having "The Talk" with him and adding in the footnote (ha! that's funny) that NO means NO and that includes toe munching.
Maybe I'll get lucky and he'll grow out of it soon. In the meantime, I'll just do my best and try to get him to stop if I catch him in the act and try to redirect his attention to something more yummy. I'm not above bribery by any means. And it could always be worse. He could have attachment issues to something even weirder, like underwear. There is that to be thankful for I guess.
A Dad's Point of View: My Son Has the Swine Flu ? A Daily Journal We just went through the swine flu with our older son, Will. We didn?t panic or allow the hysteria of the msm (mainstream media) to scare us. His first reaction was simply, ?Darn, I?m going to miss Halloween.? I believe our media have become hysteria mongers, as well as all too often focusing on their agenda vs. objective reporting. They devote way too much time to subjects unworthy of so much coverage, such as the balloon boy or the tragic deaths of celebrities.
With the swine flu, we?ve been deluged with scare reports from the media, ignoring the fact that each year tens of thousands of Americans die of the regular flu. As with AIDS, the panic is over-wrought and generalized to scare everyone when the reality is there are more at-risk groups for just about every such illness.
I kept a daily journal of our experience, which follows. I hope it?s helpful to all parents and people in giving a more realistic view of this strain of flu. I still caution everyone to be careful, see their doctors, and otherwise be smart about washing hands, but hope you will have a better perspective of this than the media has foolishly scared us to think.
Day One ?Will is sent home from school as the nurse called to say he had a mild fever. We put him to bed, took his temp, and called our pediatrician. He had a 101 fever, a slight cough, but otherwise seemed fine. The pediatrician?s office said to give him Motrin, fluids, and see if he still had a temperature tomorrow and, if so, to bring him in. Later that evening, his temp was just 100 and he was feeling pretty good.
Day Two ? Will woke up feeling fine and actually wanted to go to school. We thought better and kept him home and in bed. Later, when his temp was still over 100, we took him to the doctor. 20 minutes after they took a swab, we got the diagnosis ? he had the swine flu. They prescribed a Z-pac (5-day dose of antibiotics) and TamiFlu. By now, he was complaining of some aches and pains and a general soreness throughout his body. He also was complaining about missing Halloween. My wife told him that we were going to have to cancel the party she?d been planning for weeks because of his infection and he actually quieted down and realized he wasn?t the only one affected. A pretty amazing realization for a teenager!
Day Three ? He?s sleeping in late, so we haven?t taken his temp yet. Was playing his guitar when I went in to check and it was normal. When I asked him how he was feeling, he replied with total teen contempt, ?I feel fine,? which really meant, ?I?m fine, why do I have to stay in my room, why can?t I go out and enjoy Halloween.?
Day Four ? This morning Will apologized for being moody and grumpy. He doesn?t understand why he has to still stay home when he?s now feeling fine, just four days after getting sick and three days into his 5-day course of meds. I told him, per his doctor, that after the five days of meds, if he goes another 24 hours with a normal temp, then he can return to school. The funny part is he?s so bored; he actually wants to go to school. His temp is still normal.
Resignation has set in. He knows he?s not going to talk his way out of his room and back to school. It?s sort of like the stages of grieving, according to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. My son was in denial, then anger, and now is in ?acceptance.?
Day Five ? Last night, Will got a surprise visit from his girlfriend, her step-dad, and another friend. They talked to him from outside his room, through the window, for a few minutes. It was both a boost and a reminder of his ?in prison? status.
One amazing thing has happened with his forced lock-down time. He?s actually reflected on plans for the future. A teenager reflecting on anything? As he?s always loved music, demonstrated real talent, as well as developing a lot of knowledge, he?s decided he wants to go to a music school and learn production. While he still wants to be a ?rock star,? this sort of mature alternative planning is quite the anomaly for him.
Today, his temperature is still normal. His energy is high. If this is the worse the swine flu throws us, I?ll consider this family extremely lucky. This afternoon, he even went out to the garage and played drums for a while.
Tomorrow is his last day of meds. If he?s got a normal temp for another 24 hours, it?s back to school for him and this episode will have been easier than a lingering cough or cold. Amazing. And, as yet, no one else in the house has got it, though one of our dogs came up lame for a while (she?s veeerrrrryyyyy old).
A friend of his just got diagnosed with swine flu and they thought they could hang out together as they?re both already infected. Are they nuts? Nope, just teenagers.
Day Six ? The drama awaits us of whether he?ll have a temp today? He finished his course of meds and today will determine if he can finally leave his confinement. He was all ready for school when I came in to take his temperature. I sat with him, patiently waiting for the results. Normal. Off to school.
So, what did we learn from our bout with the swine flu? Simply, don?t listen to our Vice President, don?t listen to our media, and DON?T worry about it if you?re the average person. Yes, if you?re in one of the risk categories, be extra careful. Also, and we did this constantly and no one else has so far contracted it, have hand sanitizer everywhere in the house. You can?t overdo it.
Finally, and I?m dead serious, if you have a child that is stuck home with the swine flu and ends up like my son, with negligible symptoms, your biggest problem will be his boredom. Help him or her out with books, CDs, DVDs, etc. If they don?t have a computer or TV in their room, move one in just for the duration. And, most of all, don?t panic.
Please visit www.brucesallan.com to contact Bruce and to enjoy the various features his new Web site offers, including an archive of his columns, contact info, links to his published work, photo galleries, and reader comments, plus much more. Bruce Sallan gave up his showbiz career a decade ago to raise his two boys, full-time, now 13 and 16. His internationally syndicated column, A Dad?s Point-of-View, is his take on the challenges of parenthood and male/female issues, both as a single dad and now, newly remarried, in a blended family. Presently, his column is available in over 75 newspapers and Web sites in the U.S. and internationally. Find Bruce on Facebook and add him as your friend and join his ?A Dad?s Point-of-View? group. Just be sure to tell him you saw him here.
Note: Bruce Sallan is not a doctor and this column is not intended to be giving medical advice. It is about his experience with his son and the swine flu, and his belief that the media may have exaggerated and scared the public about its risks. Regardless, you should take every precaution, consult your doctor if there are any symptoms, and to secure proper information, go to the CDC (Centers for Disease Control) web-sites - http://cdc.gov/h1n1flu/sick.htm
It is basically the equivalent of calling someone a liar.
It's defined in the legal dictionary as "the intentional use of deceit, a trick or some dishonest means to deprive another of his/her/its money, property or a legal right."
In Arkansas, you can sue someone for deceit. In order to recover for deceit, the Plaintiff has to prove the following five elements:
(1) that the Plaintiff has sustained damages;
(2) that a false representation of a material fact was made by the defendant;
(3) that the defendant either knew or believed that her representation was false or knew or believed that she did not have a sufficient basis of information to make the representation;
(4) that the defendant intended to induce the plaintiff to act or to refrain from acting in reliance upon the misrepresentation; and
(5) that the plaintiff justifiably relied upon the representation in acting or refraining from acting and as a result sustained damages.
According to the Arkansas Model Jury Instructions, "[a] fact or statement of fact is material it it was a substantial factor in influencing the plaintiff's decision. It is not necessary, however, that it be the paramount or decisive factor, but only one that a reasonable person would attach importance to in making a decision."
I think an illustration is in order.
Let's go with the swine flu vaccine. Obviously, everyone knows that supplies are limited at this time, and not everyone who wants the swine flu vaccine will receive them while supplies are so limited. The Bitlet was able to get both the swine flu and seasonal flu vaccines, because she is only 6 months old and is among those most at risk of serious complications from the swine flu. Stephen and I have not yet obtained the vaccine, because we aren't in the priority groups.
Others identified as belonging the priority groups for H1N1 include pregnant women, household contacts and caregivers for children younger than 6 months of age, healthcare and emergency medical services personnel, all people from 6 months through 24 years of age, and persons between the ages of 25 and 64 years of age who have health conditions associated with higher risk of medical complications from influenza. This list is available at the Arkansas Health Department's website.
With the limited supply not everyone is going to receive the vaccine on demand at their convenience. In fact, a recent caveat was added recently that children ages 5-18 with underlying health conditions, such as asthma, for example, would be added to the priority groups that could receive the vaccine at the mass flu clinics that were scheduled in our state recently.
Not every 5-18 year old child is going to get the swine flu vaccine at the free mass clinics--just those who have health conditions that place them at a higher risk of complications from the flu.
Imagine if a parent takes his child to a free mass clinic and is advised that his child cannot have the vaccine, because it is being reserved for those children in that age group with specific health conditions. So the parent leaves and goes to another worker and tells her that his son has asthma and, as a result, obtains the vaccine for a child that does not, in fact, have asthma.
Is that fraud or deceit?
Let's look at the elements of deceit again:
(1) that the Plaintiff has sustained damages. Arguably the state has sustained damages in this case, because the State has paid for the limited quantities of vaccine that are currently available to those who have been identified as being the most needy. The vaccine is not being distributed for free by the pharmaceutical companies. The State paid for it for specific persons clearly identified by representatives of the State. A child of a certain age who doesn't have an underlying health condition, such as ashtma, doesn't qualify. So if a vaccine is administered to a child without the complication, then the State is out that money, and another child is out that dose. Arguably, there are damages.
(2) that a false representation of a material fact was made by the defendant. I think this element of the tort of deceit is satisfied by one who lies and claims that his child has asthma or some other respiratory condition, when in fact that child has no such condition;
(3) that the defendant either knew or believed that her representation was false or knew or believed that she did not have a sufficient basis of information to make the representation. If the parent truthfully tells one worker that his child is not eligible for the vaccine, leaves, returns to the clinic, and tells another worker that his child does have an underlying respiratory condition, it could be said that he knew that his representation was false.
(4) that the defendant intended to induce the plaintiff to act or to refrain from acting in reliance upon the misrepresentation. The parent had already been told that his child was not eligible for the vaccine, and returned to the clinic and concocted a respiratory condition that had not existed that morning in order to induce a state employee or volunteer to administer the vaccine to a child who was not in the high-risk group. I think that the parent who intended to obtain the vaccine and was willing to lie in order to obtain it could satisfy the element.
(5) that the plaintiff justifiably relied upon the representation in acting or refraining from acting and as a result sustained damages. If the State employee or volunteer administered the vaccine believing that the child had a respiratory condition, when he or she would otherwise not have administered the vaccine to that child, I believe this element is satisfied.
Fraud and deceit are ugly words, but the use of fraud or deceit is ugly as well, particularly when it means that you have basically determined, unilaterally, that your own family's health and welfare is more important than someone else's. If a vaccine is given to a child who did not fit the criteria, while another child who does fall within a priority group is denied a vaccine, and it is due to the dishonesty of a parent, it is ugly. It is uglier still, when more quantities will be made available in the future. It's not like the State got quantities to be distributed for free and no more would be made available in the future. The State got quantities for those who most need it now, and more will become available in the future. Everyone will get the vaccine who wants it -- in due time.
Not when we want it, and it might not even be free, but it will be available to all.
Taking it, when you know someone else is identified as needing it more, rather than waiting your rightful turn is wrong. It's deceitful, and it's fraudulent.
And I suspect it is happening on a fairly consistent basis.
At the same time, we are talking about our children. That creates a dilemma for parents. Is it okay to lie in order to obtain a vaccine for a child when the experts are reporting that children are dying from the disease the vaccine is designed to prevent? Many parents would say, yes, even if it is a lie, or deceitful, or amounts to fraud against the State.
